Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Query letter #19: fiction

Dear Mr. Sydney, [I'm a Ms, but whatevs]

When a bad batch of flu shots hits the streets this winter and people who aren’t people anymore begin pounding on Paul’s front door, he knows it’s time to hit the road. Thanks to his experience with apocalyptic movies and video games, his wife, Sophia, knows he is their only hope. [That's amusing - okay, I'm reading on.] With the power out, he gets them guns, a siphon-kit and a plan to head south, because if the walking corpses don’t get ‘em, the freezing Iowa temps will. [Snappy - good.]

STRAPPED is a realistic, 80,000 word Christian Paranormal novel [I have no familiarity with this genre, so I'm not going to be able to say whether or not you're conforming to the rules - I'll take it on, um, faith], which examines what happens when the resurrection of the dead becomes a ghastly reality, leading Paul Thomas from the unemployment line to the front line in a battle against darkness. It is here where he finally finds his calling as a gifted leader, but his swelling confidence quickly propels him towards tragedy. Losing Sophia, the one he wanted to protect the most, the adventure turns into a nightmare, putting his faith in God to the ultimate test while the fate of another hangs in the balance. [You've built tension well - pace is just as important as word choice in conveying a setting or emotion in text.]

Like Paul, I also have a Minor in Religion from The University of Iowa, a knack for setbacks and am my girlfriend’s best chance of surviving a zombie outbreak. [Nicely expressed mini-bio.] STRAPPED will cause the reader to ask themselves if they are shuffling through life like a self-absorbed zombie and will appeal to fans of A.P Fuchs, Tim LaHayes and Jerry Jenkins.[Good to make the references.] My completed manuscript is ready to be sent at your request and I thank you for your consideration.

Author STF

Overall: a very good letter. You've given the right amount of story detail and written it in such a way that I have a sense of how you would write the story - what the pace would be like, what sort of momentum it would have. You haven't belaboured details.

What you haven't mentioned: the word count and your background as a writer - it's quite okay to say it's your first novel if it is, and if you've written anything before or you're writing something else now, mention it.

1 comment:

Sean said...

Thank you so much for taking the time to critique my query! It is good to know I'm on the right track. Thanks again.