I mostly write fantasy / romance / adventure mixtures. I would describe some as mainly romance, but it's definitely not erotica. I have just read a review of what's hot in the market, and it seems to be nothing BUT erotica. I have read a few samples and frankly, I felt they often debased love, women, etc. I don't consider physical injury of the beloved by the "lover" to be a part of romance, for example. Should I just accept that I am an old-fashioned nerd and crawl back under my rock, or is there light at the end of the tunnel?
'I don't consider physical injury of the beloved by the "lover" to be a part of romance, for example' - then please don't read any of the Twilight books because you've just described the central tenet of all four of them.
Okay! Off my hobby horse now. Let's talk about you instead. You're not an old-fashioned nerd - I don't really believe that all the romance/erotica stories out there involve injuries. I am fairly sure Stephanie Laurens, for example, doesn't write romance stories that are violent or debase the female characters. I guess it depends exactly what 'market' you're talking about - it sounds like you are writing for a defined slice of the romance readership and within that slice you're concerned that the tide has turned towards sadomasochistic sex rather than romance - or, even, erotic sex. Perhaps it has. I'm not a specialist on the romance market. But trends are trends and they change. Write the romance and sex the way you want to write it - I can guarantee you will not be the only person in the world who wants romance and sex to read that way. Women are the majority of romance (and book) readers and they're a diverse bunch.
I could launch into a general discussion of why the culture may be skewing towards sexualised violence towards women and why women may actually want to read about it or watch it, but I'm fairly sure I'm meant to be blogging about books, not sex, regardless of how much fun the latter topic may be ...