Your book will probably never be made into a movie

Most authors harbour secret or not-so-secret dreams of their book or manuscript being made into a movie. Usually it's novelists who dream this more frequently than non-fiction writers, who tend to be a little less attached to the idea, unless they're memoirists or write narrative non-fiction or true crime.

The blunt, unadorned truth is that your story is unlikely to be made into a movie, and not because it's not fantastic, just because movies are very different beasts and what goes into making a good movie isn't often what makes a good book. I am telling you this blunt, unadorned truth to help you manage your own expectations.

It's tempting to finish there and just say, 'Good luck with that!' but I feel an explanation - or even just some information - may be in order. So here are the Things to Know About Turning Books into Movies.

1. Adapting novels into screenplays is very difficult. If you work off the principle that each page of a screenplay is one minute of screen time, and that a film will average 90 minutes, that's a 90-page screenplay. And screenplays are not like books: there is lots of white space on each page. So your 300-page novel has to be turned into a 90-page screenplay that contains very little description and mostly dialogue, which means a lot of the story has to go. And it has to be a certain type of story to withstand that kind of stripping down. Usually a story with a good, clear dramatic arc and strong protagonists. No arc? Fahgeddaboutit.

2. It's important to remember that, as the author of the 300-page novel, you are not likely to be the person best qualified to write the 90-page screenplay adaptation of your novel, unless you have screenwriting experience. And, at any rate, seeing your novel turned into a screenplay is a bit like watching sausages get made: not advisable, especially for vegetarians.

3. One of the major factors - if not the major factor - that goes into deciding whether or not a book is suitable for adaptation to screen is how much it would cost to make as a movie. If your book is set in the past or the future, that complicates matters. Vintage cars, clothes and locations cost money; so do spaceships. Any producer who is thinking about adapting your novel is going to primarily ponder the cost of making the movie or series that results.

4. It helps if your book has sold well, if only to get it to the attention of producers. There are so many books out there - the producers need to have a reason to read yours, and a built-in readership-cum-audience is a persuasive reason. Of course, having a great story helps too ...

5. You thought the publishing industry was slow? We are sprinters compared to the cross-country game of the film industry. So even if your story is getting some attention amongst film types, prepare to wait, and wait, and wait, for anything to happen. First you'll wait for the option to be done. Then you'll wait for a screenwriter to be attached. Then you'll wait for the screenplay to go through development, while the producer drums up funds. And on it goes.

6. This last point is an important one for those of you who don't have access to an agent or lawyer: do not straightaway sell your film or TV rights. Not to the first person who asks, nor to the last. If someone wants to turn your book into a movie, they have to option the material. And that is an option to purchase. They get to buy the rights when they plug in the lights on the first day of filming.

So while I don't like to encourage writers to give up on their dreams, in this particular area it is advisable to keep the dreams at a manageable level. But, then again, I'm not of the school of telling people to just 'dream big!!!' anyway, mainly because I have seen what disappointment looks like and I'd rather spare you all that experience. As the sole cause of disappointment is expectation, better to manage your expectations.

Sometimes it takes a really long time to get published

A few years ago I took on an author - let's code-name her AG. AG had written a manuscript that was in a genre that didn't usually appeal to me, and it needed at least another draft. But it was clear that she was hugely talented and I loved the story. She has a natural gift for storytelling and a great facility with language. So I sent out the novel to the publishers whom I thought would like it. One of them was very keen. This publisher asked for some rewrites, which AG cheerfully did in her ninth month of her first pregnancy, when she probably had other things on her mind. That publisher wasn't able to get the novel through acquisitions but later suggested that AG write another type of novel, which she did. (I should point out that AG is the sort of writer who is in love with the process of writing and drafting - not all writers are, and if you aren't that sort of writer it doesn't mean you're a better or worse writer than someone like AG.) That novel didn't get through the acquisitions process either.

More time passed. I kept an eye open for opportunities for AG, and she was very patient about it all. AG now has two children - and one publisher. Yes, at last, someone else loved the novel as much as I did and was able to convince their colleagues about it too.

I'm passing on this story to illustrate, mainly, the point that it can take a long time to find a publisher, even when there are plenty of people who love what you do. Also to afford the chance to talk about why I think AG ultimately did find a publisher. Firstly, there is (obviously) her skill as a writer. But she has some qualities apart from that which have helped. Both of us could have walked away from our professional relationship at the point at which the second novel didn't get up. I wouldn't have blamed her if she'd wanted to go, and I wouldn't have blamed myself if she went. But the simple fact is that she's a great client. She is professional and realistic. Not once has she fallen into the 'poor me' trap which can defeat many a talented writer - purely because, I reckon, it starts draining their energy towards a dangerous downwards spiral. She kept her chin up and she retained her love of writing. Some of this has to do with her personality; a lot of it has to do, I suspect, with decisions she has made along the way.

Now AG has a publisher who thinks she's fantastic. I think she's fantastic. I just wish I could tell you her name so that you'll find out how fantastic she is too. But that would give away my top-secret identity ...

Click on this link

A fairy godsister (as she's not old enough to be a fairy godmother) sent me the following link:

http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2012/01/24/25-things-writers-should-know-about-agents/

I recommend you click on it as it's to a post entitled '25 Things Writers Should Know About Agents'. While the post contains some information that is similar to things I've posted in the past, it's going to save you having to trawl through this blog to find it!

Settle, petal

You mention in one of your responses 'publishing people value manners,' and you often urge politeness, but surely it cuts both ways. I submitted a query to an agent a couple of months ago but, receiving no reply after six weeks, I queried another agent and am still waiting for a response. Yes, their websites said they were open for submissions and, yes, I did follow the submission guidelines conscientiously.

If they are not interested it surely takes only a couple of minutes to hit the 'reply' button, type 'no thanks' and hit the send button. Getting no answer at all is worse than getting a knock-back. Incidentally, I have also queried agents in the USA and UK and usually get an answer within a day or two, albeit sometimes automated. Should I contact agents who fail to respond and ask (politely) whether their email or mine has gone astray?

Yes, it cuts both ways. I've never said that it hasn't. But if you have read other entries on this website you will also have read about the restrictions on time and resources for agents, particularly in Australia. Most of us don't have assistants. Most of us are trying to fit in the submission-reading and submission-replying in our private time. The agents in the US and the UK usually have administrative help, so they can turn around submissions faster.

You'd also have read that a couple of months is really not a long time in publishing. We do the best we can - honestly, we do. But you probably would not believe how many submissions we receive if I told you. If I spent my time only reading submissions, I still wouldn't get through them at a pace that would satisfy the authors who sent them. Because the other side of this is that many authors take ten years to write a novel and then want a response to a submission within ten days. Our reading takes time, just as your writing did.

Is this slow-response situation ideal? No. I would love to be able to get back to submissions faster than I do - I would love to spend a lot of my time reading submissions. But my clients come first. And I also have to be mindful of my relationships with publishers. They take time too. I do always have it in the back of my mind, though, that the people who sent in submissions need an answer. So if you send an email after a few weeks reminding me about your submission, that is completely understandable. Check the submission guidelines first, though. Some agents say how long they're likely to take to respond. If they don't, then eight weeks is a reasonable amount of time after which you can remind an Australian agent that you exist. If they do, then wait however much time they've said and then another week or so, and then make contact. Just don't call unless they specifically say you can. Just as you wouldn't believe how many submissions I get, you wouldn't believe how many people call, and it all takes time away from getting our work done - and getting to your submission faster.

Age is not the issue

I'm a young writer (still in school) and very interested in becoming a published author. I write fiction mainly consisting of fantasy and supernatural. What can I do to help myself get there? Should I look for agents now or wait until I'm older with more experience?

You can help yourself do what writers of any age do - read, read, read and write, write, write. Your age could be a factor if you were attempting to appeal exclusively to readers over the age of 50 - it would then be arguable that you perhaps should wait until you've experienced what it's actually like to be 50. Except maybe you have a great imagination and you know lots of people in their 50s and you're a really good listener ...

Age is not the issue for writers - that is, it's not that you don't know what you're doing just because you're young. It's actually time that is the issue. The older you are, the more time you've had to spend reading, and honing your writing skills, and finding out all you can about writing. If you're 30, you've had more time to leave manuscripts in the bottom drawer and more time to try out different things than you'd have had at 16 or 17. But you shouldn't let that stop you - you should just be aware that, regardless of your talent, you're submitting to agents and publishers alongside writers who have had more time.

Humorous novels and agent specialisation

Just browsing your site re US agents and wondering if there are many agents in Australia who are dedicated to humour/satire genre or is it best to approach a US agent?

Would much appreciate any advice you have regarding this, my partner has written 2 complete novels and madly starting his third, is as yet unpublished and about to approach some agents with one of his manuscripts.

Agents in Australian can't really afford to specialise in one genre of anything - some reasons can be found here - so you're not going to be able to find out if they're interested in humour/satire unless you send a submission. You can presume that if an agent or agency is accepting fiction submissions, they'll be interested in a funny story unless they explicitly say otherwise. Your partner may also wish to query US agents at the same time and he should mention that he's doing so when he sends his submission to Australian agents.

Staying on the right side of the law

I'm looking to write a kind of Bill Bryson memoir of my year working in a coal mine. Can I just change the names of the people and not mention where the place was and be O.K.?

To be safe you should change names, places and identifying characteristics (don't just change a person's name, change their hair colour and height), and also make sure you keep a record of what you've changed and what the new name/place/etc is. Of course, I'm suggesting you do this on the presumption that what you've written is potentially defamatory, or may be construed as such, because that's the main reason to be nervous about using identifying details. But even if you're not defaming anyone else, it's often a good idea in a memoir to be vague about some of this information.

What intrigues me most about your question, though, is that fact that you're writing a 'Bill Bryson memoir' about working in a coal mine. My brain is trying to understand what that would be like!